This is my first blog. And I was going to explain why I'm writing a blog and who I am and make a thing out of it. But between you and me, we don't need to do that. We know why I'm writing a blog. It's obvious. It's because:
· Having an online presence is important and SEO and Twitter-Twitter-bang-bang and Google needs an updated site with new content to make me totally relevant.
· I'm a desperate narsicist and like using the wordy-words.
· I'm a major self-loather and can tell how much people don't care about me by tracking how few people read what I write as I write it and put it up.
· Maybe it has to do with the fact that I use far too many words to ever be any good at Twitter at all because I never know when to shut up beyond the amount of words given to me for anything and I can go on and on and on and on with a blog.
· Or maybe because I think it's 2006 and if you told me about Periscope it would blow my tiny antiquated mind.
Regardless, I'm doing it. I'm here and it's going to be a little random and eccentric and stupid, just like me. It's going to be a little grumbly at times because I was born a curmudgeon. (So if you could keep it down, I'd really appreciate it.) Basically, I'm a premature Andy Rooney. (And that just shows how Andy Rooney I am by making a Andy Rooney reference.)
(By the way, I really hate Andy Rooney and always did. The fact that he's dead doesn't diminish my hatred of him in any way.)
(Wow, man, I just realized I really love parentheses. They're the best!)
(They really are. Parentheses are like whispered hugs for sentences.)
So here we go. A full-on bloggity-blog-BLOG.
Here's who I am:
I'm a chubby bald dad with a 90s goatee of sadness. I'm so self-effacing that I no longer have a face. I'm filled with all sorts of sarcasm and smart-assery. I'm as sensitive as I am prickly and I'm in desperate need of a nap. I've written the novel QUENTIN MCFURY - THE LAST DEFENDER. I've written the plays STAR WARS TRILOGY IN 30 MINUTES and the stage adaptation of RESERVOIR DOGS, among others. I've written screenplays for UNIVERSAL PICTURES and 20TH CENTURY FOX. I've also jumped around on my knees while holding my hands up as ears pretending to be Yoda in front of thousands of people. Beyond that, I'm just a boy. Standing in front of a world. And asking everyone not to completely hate me.
Wow, I'm actually writing this thing. An actual blog.
He's doing it. HE'S DOING IT!!!
(And then Debra Winger comes in and sweeps me off my feet and carries me out.)
My plan with this blog - that I shall instead of a “blog” will call a Word Pocket or Brain Essays or Journal of the Wills - is to write about three basic things, sometimes focusing on one thing more than another. The main subject I’ll throw words at is parenting and kids and how I try to figure out the most unfigure-outable thing. Secondly, I’ll probably do some scribblin’ on what I’m scribblin’ on in pretending to be a writer of some sort. And finally, I'll write about how much I love TCM (Turner Classic Movies) and what I've recently watched on it because I just won't shut up about it.
In regards to the whole writing about my kids thing, I won't use their actual names to give them some semlbance of privacy. So, I will choose just two random names out of the air. Hmm... What shall I go with? Let's just go with the first two names that pop out of the air...
For the older one with darker hair who's a bit sarcastic, I'll just call him "Han".
And for the younger full of energy one with lighter hair, I'll just randomly call him "Luke".
(Not sure where I plucked those two names from. Might be the Bible, Shakespeare, or I LOVE LUCY or something.)
So that's me here now, writing a blog. I'll jump in more shortly with a proper blog. Not just an introduction. And then I'll keep doing it. Until I die or the words fail me. Or until I get bored. Or a combination of the three. Thanks for coming and I hope all is going swimmingly with you all, but not so much more than me that I feel bad about myself.
The T stands for Beginnings